”I see my first responsibility in life as being an involved and present father. However, that can sit along side being a highly committed colleague and, in my case, private equity investor. It is obviously super important to strike the right balance between spending high quality time with my boys, and as a family on the one hand and work on the other hand. There are definitely times when its out of kilter and work takes over, but over the long term, it’s essential to get it right.”
As he joins our Level 20 Netherlands committee, Sander Ruijter, Partner and Head of Benelux at Inflexion, reflects on his experience of parenting while working in private equity. He believes that meaningful culture change must be driven by industry leaders who actively demonstrate their commitment to supporting family life.
Finding balance
“I have two sons, aged six and ten, and finding balance as a father is definitely a challenge. For me, it’s around being selective around evening commitments and consciously making decisions as to where I’m willing to spend my time outside of core professional hours.
“So for example, there’s huge value in speaking with portfolio company management teams over dinner, because you can get so much more out of a conversation when it’s more informal and there isn’t a defined end to it. I make that decision very consciously, rather than allowing a large events calendar to absorb large parts of my evenings during the week.
“Even if I can only spend a couple of nights a week or mornings a week with my boys, it makes a massive impact on how I, and I think also they, perceive the quality of the interaction that we’ve had Monday to Friday.
Dad guilt
“I know there are always things I could do better. One of them is being there for the school run in the mornings — I don’t manage it as often as my children would like. When I see other fathers making it work, I sometimes feel a pang of guilt, and it reminds me how important it is to keep striving for balance.
Transparency is key
“At Inflexion, we speak in a very transparent way about how to manage priorities on a day-to-day basis. And I think that is very important. For example, it’s currently still school holidays, so if I leave the office a bit early or take a call when I am in the park with the boys, I don’t hide it.
“That said, we like to be together in the office and I’m an agitator for that in fact. We’re one team and in the Benelux we’re a small team, so it’s great and important to see each other and be closely connected. But in terms of making your own decisions as to when you need to spend time with your family, and catch up on work at a different time, that’s up to the individual.
“When people manage to find balance, and don’t neglect professional responsibilities but make their own judgement about their personal priorities, then there’s no challenge whatsoever.
I know there are always things I could do better. One of them is being there for the school run in the mornings — I don’t manage it as often as my children would like. When I see other fathers making it work, I sometimes feel a pang of guilt, and it reminds me how important it is to keep striving for balance.
It takes a village
“Our setup is quite traditional at the moment, in that my wife is not currently working. She has a background in advertising and, for the first four or five years after our first child was born, we were both in demanding roles. In recent years, she’s chosen to spend more time with our boys, which has been a tremendous benefit for us as a family.
“That said, I’m conscious of avoiding the idea that “Daddy earns the money and Mummy does everything else at home.” I like to think our children see the value in both of our time investments in the family, though I’m not sure we’ve completely found the perfect balance.
“When we first became parents, we decided not to have a nanny and instead used nurseries. We wanted to keep our family unit close-knit — a choice that sometimes made life more challenging, but ultimately felt right for us. We’re also fortunate to have strong support from our parents and siblings, which has made a big difference.
Cultural change
“The Netherlands is, in many ways, still quite a traditional society. In our sector, it remains very male-oriented — and not just male, but predominantly white, Western male in culture. That lack of diversity means we lose out on a range of perspectives and ideas. Inflexion, as a broader organisation, is far more diverse, and I’ve seen progress in the Dutch setting too. That’s one of the reasons I care about Level 20 and why I’m excited to be part of it — because I believe we can help create a positive, inclusive working environment for everyone in this sector.
“Family leave here is still largely focused on women, or the primary carer. Generally, it’s still rare in the private equity industry for fathers to take an extended period of leave, and I think there’s still progress to be made. At Inflexion, most new dads do take a decent amount of time rather than feeling the expectation to return to work shortly after welcoming a new child.
Daring leadership
“From my Level 20 experience, I’ve seen that we still have work to do in removing the guilt some mothers feel about taking the full amount of leave they’re entitled to — whether that’s six months instead of four, or more.
Leaders in our industry need to be crystal clear about how we support family life for both men and women — and we need to have the courage to make it genuinely possible.
“As a mentor, I’ve spoken to young women in private equity who feel they have to negotiate for a fair maternity period, rather than having a clear, supportive policy they can rely on. That shouldn’t be the case. Leaders in our industry need to be crystal clear about how we support family life for both men and women — and we need to have the courage to make it genuinely possible.
“For me, this isn’t just about doing the right thing — it’s also about keeping the best people. A strong parental leave policy is one thing, but creating an environment where talented professionals can thrive in both their careers and their family lives is what keeps them here for the long term.
“We currently have a colleague on maternity leave who is ambitious about her future at Inflexion and equally committed to being the best possible mother. I take real pride in knowing that if she can succeed in both, we will have played a part in making that happen.
ENDS
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Sander Ruijter is Partner and Head of Benelux at Inflexion. Sander is based in Amsterdam where he focuses on investments in the Benelux region across sectors. Sander joined Inflexion in 2020 to open the Benelux office and lead the team in the region. Working closely with the London-based sector teams, Sander has since led investments in enviolo, YER and EasyFairs. For Calco, enviolo, YER and Baker Tilly he is also a Member of the Supervisory board. Prior to joining Inflexion, Sander was active as an adviser and investor in the Benelux region for fifteen years. He spent ten years at Rothschild as part of the Benelux advisory team and five years in the private equity mid-market at 3i’s Amsterdam office and at Gate Invest, which he co-founded. In his spare time, Sander is a keen amateur chef and an enthusiastic tennis player, with probably more talent in the kitchen than on the court. He holds degrees in General Economics and Modern Japanese Sciences from the University of Amsterdam and the Erasmus University Rotterdam